As self-appointed Chairman of the Bored, here are suggestions for entertaining yourself, and others. Two I’ve executed, two are saved for a blustery day. They are intended to teach and amuse, not aggravate.
After you’ve profited on the $1.68 meal deal at Costco, call an employee over to the condiment area and ask how much the chopped onions are. The ones in the silver box with the crank handle. Most likely you will be informed there is no cost. I’m usually told to help myself, so I pull a large zip lock bag out of my pocket and fill it until the onions stop dispensing. Only once has the employee stopped me. I handed him the bag asking why he said “free” and to help myself.
I say profited because the way to do it is buy the hot dog and soda upon arrival. Shop, refilling your drink while you decide whether to treat yourself to a churro. Priced so low, that it’s almost like they are paying you.
Call a service provider that offers free estimates. Ask things like, “In your estimation, if Superman helped Santa deliver all the presents, how much quicker could it be done?” The voice will usually say something like, “You’re kidding, right?” A reply could be,”Too easy, huh? In your estimation, give or take a minute, how long does it take a mouse to run a mile?”
Set up a card table near a soda vending machine with a sign that says TAKE THE PEPSI CHALLENGE. When someone asks to participate, point across the room toward the hidden cameras, indicating that a nod and wink serves as consent to be recorded. Instruct them to buy a Pepsi and another drink and bring them back to the table. If they return with two drinks, ask why they chose the non Pepsi beverage. Follow with, “Which would go better with a baloney sandwich on white bread with mustard? Egg salad on a croissant? Chicken Noodle soup?” Finally, hand them the Pepsi, thank them for their input, and for the other drink.
Stand at a payphone and ask someone to help you by using their mobile phone to call the payphone to make sure it works. If they do it, they’ll likely ask why you’re waiting by a payphone for a call. Say you received a letter via HEIRMAIL, with instructions to be ready for a call regarding a fortune from an uncle you didn’t even know you had. Your uncle was the Dupe of a town so old that there is no record of it. The letter explains that a Dupe was one better than a Duke, because P is higher in the alphabet than K. When the call comes in, you are supposed to be ready to follow the instructions by providing your savings account number so a deposit slip can be filled out. From there the inheritance should arrive within 7 – 10 weeks, because the money will be delivered by a guy who is coming over on a ship.
You might not hear, “I’m bored” as often this summer.
